


The Not-So Direct Approach

by NudeScientist



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Erwin has a thing for Mike, M/M, Not Beta Read, hange likes drunk levi, levi has a potty mouth
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-02
Updated: 2018-12-02
Packaged: 2019-09-05 15:08:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,950
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16813111
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NudeScientist/pseuds/NudeScientist
Summary: Levi runs his mouth when drunk. Of course he rants about his pretty new recruit Eren Yeager with his pretty eyes and pretty nose and pretty unfair height.Unfortunately for him, it’s all on tape.





	The Not-So Direct Approach

“Hange. I’m telling you. Listen to me. Fuck. Just listen to my words. No one should be that tall and that pretty. S’not fair. I don’t even like tall guys but like. Fuck. That guys is just tall and he’s so fucking pretty. Fucking tall and pretty asshole.”

“What else? Have you seen his face Hange. His face is just so nice. I wanna boop his nose. That would be weird but I wanna like. Boop! Right on the nose. C’mere so I can boop your nose cause Eren isn’t here and I can’t boop his nose. So your shitty nose will have to do.”

“Ugh. And his eyes. Son of a bitch. Erwin! Are you fucking listening to me fucking shithead?”

“Right Erwin. Remember when we arrested him and he’s all like “I’m gonna kill all the Titans.” Super intense. Did you see how his eyes changed? They were like “I’m scared, I’m gonna be light green.” Then they were like “I’m homicidal now I’m like fucking Christmas green.” What’s that color Erwin? Christmas green?”

“Yes! Fucking evergreen. That’s a terrible name for green by the way. Did you know my favorite color is green? Like everything important is green. Izzies eyes. The scout cloak. Eren’s eyes. Erwin’s dumbass Halloween costume that one year.”

“Yes and I still have the pics fuckface. I printed them out and everything. Everyone has a copy even Mike.”

“Oh shut up eyebrows. Everyone knows you have a thing for that fucking tree you call a dog. He can probably smell your precum cause I know your dick gets all drippy when you see him. His fucking nose man. It’s just weird. He’s got like a superpower. Super nose man. His name is like Snuffles. Snuffles the tall as fuck superhero no one asked for. I’m surprised we even have a K-9 unit with that giant waltzing around.”

“Eren’s nose is the best. I’m gonna fucking boop it so hard.”

“Shitty fucking glasses. You don’t get to boop his nose before me. What the fuck. I just called boop dibs.”

“RESPECT THE DIBS FOUR EYES.”

“I thought so. Idiot. Stupid fucking glasses tryna disrespect the dibs.”

“Ugh. I wanna see Eren.”

“We caaaan’t.”

“Fucking Mikasa that’s why.”

“Have you see her? She’s like a fucking 100-meter wall, laced with cock repellent. I don’t even know how Eren has so many guy friends. They all want to bang him, you know. Every single one. You think she makes them sign contracts?”

“Yeah like. ‘Oh you wanna be friends with my brother? You gotta sign away your right to get in his pants.’ That’s something she would do. She’d totally do that cause have you seen Reiner. That guys wants to chain Eren to his bed and fucking break him.”

“Hange! You see the way Reiner looks at him right?”

“Fucking told you shitbrows. Reiner has it so bad I’m embarrassed.”

“No cause I know how to keep my dick soft around Eren. Reiner is full mast every day. It’s hilarious cause I wanna laugh but I completely understand. I’d chain Eren to my bed if I could.”

“I’m so serious. I’d do crimes to sink my dick inside Eren’s immaculate ass. What if he’s into that shit? Gimme some consent and I’d fucking hook his ass up so quick.”

“Yeeesssss. Shitty glasses. I’d like, bury my dick inside him and live there if I could. I bet it’s wonderful in there. My dick would have the best fucking time.”

“Inappropriate? I’m way past inappropriate at this point.”

“So many times. Eyebrows caught me beating off in the showers once cause Eren thought it was a good idea to change in front of me and the way his boxers clung to his ass. Hange. I have a fucking appetite.”

“Without a doubt. No hesitation. I’ve had dreams of him just sitting on my face while he’s on the phone or some shit.”

“Gross? You think that’s gross? I’d do ass to mouth for him Erwin. Ass. To mouth.”

“Fuck yes I’d switch with him. You think he’s just a top?”

“That’d be a waste. That ass is just too glorious to have never bottomed. Wait. Wait. He’s gay?”

“YOU NEVER TOLD ME YOU FUCKING BITCH.”

“NEED TO KNOW? YOU DONT THINK ID NEED TO KNOW IF THE LOVE OF MY LIFE IS GAY OR NOT?”

“Fuck nope. I’m sobering up now so nope. I’m so pissed off you got me sober.”

Armin sat in the Director’s office with trembling hands. After a full night of listening to various wiretaps related to the Titan case, he stumbled upon a recording of Levi’s night out. His drinking buddies just happened to be Head of Forensics, Hange Zoë and Director of Scouting Elite Security, Erwin Smith.

Armin being the calculating angel that he is saw fit to turn in the recording in question. The evidence would need to be reviewed by 3 others before it could be used during the trial. The first 6 hours gave them a solid case, incriminating evidence related to the boss of the Titan gang, Zeke and his tank Reiner. Problems arose when Captain Levi, Head detective and their best undercover agent, was dragged away to drink by Hange before he could properly be debriefed and debugged.

After three hours of chatter and drinks, Levi’s lips loosened up to an embarrassing degree and so here Armin was. Desperately trying to preserve the image of the precinct’s grumpy cat and apparently the Director’s as well. He was certain no one else needed to know about Director Smith’s “dripping dick.”

“Arlet. I’m sure we don’t need to discuss the content recorded after 2318, yes?”

“Yes sir. I’ve only brought it here for you to approve the changes needed to be made to the data logs. I’ve taken the liberty to cut a new recording so your evening out with the detective isn’t on file but I can’t change the information in the database to reflect the new length. I’ve also saved a copy of the...um time… in case you needed it for whatever reason, sir”

“Good, Arlet. Good. Let’s see to it that this recording never surfaces again. We don’t need the chaos that would ensue if this were to get out. Let me sign these approval forms and so you can complete your work. Thank you for being so mature about this Armin. Anyone else is the analyst department would’ve played this on the loudspeakers.”

“It’s not a problem sir. Maintaining the privacy of this conversation is as much for Detective Ackerman and yourself as it is for me. If Eren were to hear this recording he wouldn’t shut up for years. Between you and me sir, I’m at my limit with Eren’s crush. Mikasa and I would lose our minds if it was confirmed in a roundabout way.”

“So I should advise Levi to go for the direct approach?”

“I doubt Captain Levi could be anything but direct but yes. I’d advise him to get it over with. Eren’s had a thing for him for three years. It’s getting out of hand.”

“Well Levi. What will it be?” Erwin’s gaze shifted to the man in question standing in the doorway. Levi was leaning against the frame, arms crossed with his eyebrows furrowed in disbelief.

Armin whipped around to catch a look at the man eavesdropping on their conversation. He didn’t hear anyone approach the door and it was only 0637. No one showed up on the office this early, not even himself but he needed to speak to the Director before the other analyst clocked in and began their own reviews. 

“What’s this recording you’re talking about?” Levi approached the desk only to lean against that as well. Once settled he’d crossed his arms again and his legs at the ankles. Armin noted the closed off defensive body language but said nothing of it. Before he could respond Erwin pressed play on the audio file.

“– I’d like, bury my dick inside him and live there if I could. I bet it’s wonderful in there. My dick would have the best time.”

Levi’s eyes widened an alarming amount and in a series of quick movements Levi rounded the desk, shoved Erwin out the way and deleted the offending file. 

Levi snapped at Erwin, eyes narrowing dangerously, homicide promised in his mercury eyes. “Fucking hell eyebrows. We just got back. He’s here on the floor and you play this shit?”

“Who’s here Levi?” Erwin’s majestic eyebrows furrowed a bit but the pitch of his voice and the tilt of his head showed he was more amused than confused. 

Armin watched on for a while before piecing together Erwin’s new attitude. “Oh no.” Eren was in the office, on this floor and the director’s door was wide open. A small grin grew on his face at the realization along with a newfound respect for Erwin. The man was quicker on his feet than expected.

A rustling sound at the door confirmed Erwin and Armin’s hopes and Levi’s nightmare. Eren Yeager stood just before the threshold carrying tea and a Krispy Kreme takeout bag.

“You guys finally heard it.” Spilled from the boy’s lips with no hesitation shocking the room and leaving blank expressions on the occupant’s faces. 

“Finally?”

“You heard?”

“What?”

Eren walked into the room, placed Levi’s tea in front of Armin and opened his bag. He took a bite of the bagel as he looked at each face not understanding why they looked so surprised. “Yeah, Hange played this for me like, the next day. It’s been weeks. You guys just finding it?”

Armin blinked quickly recovering from the surprise. “I just found it last night reviewing everything before we turn over the evidence to Nanaba’s team. You’ve known for weeks?”

“Mm.” Eren confirmed through another bite of the bagel. “Hange just told me to not say anything cause it’d get weird.”

“It’s already pretty fucking weird Eren.” Levi said finally. 

“So was the whole ass to mouth thing but you know. We couldn’t afford any distractions so I just didn’t say anything. Figured it was for the best.” Eren casually ate his breakfast while the others watched in awe of his sudden personality change. Eren was not one for forethought, level headedness or any kind of emotional maturity and yet here he was. “To answer your question Captain, I switch.”

Levi’s scowled at the suddenly realistic brunet as he ate. Not believing anything that came out Eren’s mouth. “You what?”

Eren rolled his eyes in response as Armin giggled in the chair beside him. “You asked Hange if I was only a top. I switch.”

“Fuck” was the only reasonable response to the newly acquired information. Levi’s mind was soon filled with filthy images of Eren’s whining and writhing, caged between his own strong arms, split on his hardening member. As he noted his partial erection he regarded Erwin once more. “Give us today and tomorrow off.”

A glimmer of approval shone in the directors eyes as he nodded and a small smile formed on his lips. “Sure thing Levi. Anything else?”

While Erwin confirmed his request Levi snatched up his tea and made grabby hands at Eren. “My place. Now.” He nearly snatched the boy up by his collar in his impatience. Instead he snapped twice and the brunet’s grin. “Hurry the fuck up.”

Eren jolted into action, nearly tripping over himself as he followed Levi from the office. The excitement of being pinned down by Levi made him hard in an instant. After 7 weeks of fantasizing, it was happening on a random Thursday morning after chasing dead leads all night.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! This, of course it unbeta’d (because I don’t know any beta readers) and ridiculously short. I have other, longer things in the works but I had to get this out to focus on my main multi chapter fic. 
> 
> I love to write and am constantly looking to flex these creative muscles. I think I’ll be hanging out in this fandom for a while playing with AOT pairings. Please leave comments, critical or otherwise, lay it on me. I want to produce work people enjoy and I can’t do that without honest feedback. Happy Holidays sexy faces!


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